Decisions
by chocokat13
Summary: *After Jesus Etc.* Clare is trying too hard to help everybody...but now she realizes that she deserves some happiness and pleasure too. WARNING: Contains Flare, Klare, and Eclare. Oh yes. This sounds like it's going to be a fantastic story.
1. KC

**This was originally going to be a oneshot, but I figured I would just turn it into a, maybe, six short chapter story. I mean, it would probably be pretty long as a oneshot...plus I would like to get this out bit by bit for feedback and such. So...enjoy my new story! :)**

**Oh, by the way, each chapter will be named for the person Clare will be spending it with. Just to let everybody know. Okay, moving on. **

Decisions

1. K.C.

Clare was misguided. Unfortunate. Out of luck. Somebody must be messing with her life.

K.C. was the ex-boyfriend, the one was her first love. He broke her heart when he left her for her friend, Jenna, and then proceeded to get her pregnant.

But by then Clare had found Eli, though she sometimes still pined for K.C. Eli was so different from K.C., but in some ways they were alike. They didn't care about rules or what people thought of them.

Eli, however, seemed to care more about Clare. He was protective, sheltering her from his past and therefore harboring many secrets. Sometimes it was overwhelming for Clare, trying to maintain their relationship and handle his rivalry with Fitz.

Fitz. Clare never held anything against him until he tried to stab Eli. She wanted to avoid Fitz when he got out of Juvie, but his sudden enlightenment about Jesus made her want to help him. He needed it.

Everybody knew that Clare was dating Eli. But K.C. and Fitz…they didn't seem to care.

* * *

"K.C., focus!" Clare snapped, whacking his hand with her pencil.

"Sorry," he groaned, rubbing his sleep-filled eyes.

"I know you're tired," Clare sighed, "but you need to get back on track with your homework."

"Jenna won't stop nagging me, and the baby won't stop crying," K.C. complained. "I wouldn't stay with Jen if it weren't for the baby."

Clare shifted uncomfortably in her seat. "Anyway, back to Algebra…"

"Clare." Clare looked at him, and K.C. continued. "I'm sorry. For everything I've ever done to you. I know I've apologized before, but…I really do mean it this time. I miss you."

Clare's stomach lurched, and she could feel her old feelings for K.C. coming back. "K.C., I…"

And then her arms were around him, breathing in the scent she had missed so much. K.C. clutched her closer to him, burying his face in her shoulder.

Clare knew this wasn't just a huge between friends; her racing heart told her so.

Clare stifled a gasp when she felt warm lips on her neck, trailing upwards. She closed her eyes as K.C. kissed the hollow under her jaw, then hungrily moved along her jaw line. He brushed his lips against Clare's before finally crashing his lips onto hers.

Clare knew this was wrong. She loved Eli, and she didn't want to hurt him. But this felt so _right._

K.C. pulled away to press his lips to her neck again, his fingers traveling over her stomach to the buttons of her shirt. He swiftly began to unbutton it, pulling her shirt off.

"Wait, hold on," Clare gasped.

K.C. stopped, looking at her. "What?"

"I can't…Eli…I just can't." Clare shook her head, picking her shirt off of the ground.

She wanted K.C., so badly. She truly did. She almost resented telling him no, but she had to do what's right, even if it wasn't what she wanted.

_Why don't you just leave Eli if you want K.C. so bad?_

Because K.C. is going to be a father. It would be wrong.

_And because you don't want to hurt Eli._

"Eli doesn't have to know," K.C. whispered. "This doesn't have to be serious…You can just come to me whenever you need to get away from him."

Clare opened her mouth, about to protest that that was a bad idea, when she reconsidered it. There were times, pretty often now, when she couldn't stand being around Eli and his possessiveness; it would be nice to be able to take a few breaks every now and then.

"Okay," Clare agreed slowly, "but this stays between us; you can't run and tell all of your friends."

"I won't," K.C. promised.

"And we won't be meeting in public. I don't want to rouse any suspicions. As far as everybody knows, I still hate you."

"Fine, but I'm not going to enjoy thinking that you hate me," K.C. murmured, kissing her again.

"Sorry," Clare muttered. "Oh!" She pushed K.C. away. "Another rule - no sex."

K.C. groaned. "But this is an affair! Sex is the whole point!"

"Looks like we both had different motives," Clare remarked dryly, raising an eyebrow. "Two years and you still don't know me very well."

"I thought you might just break a few more rules since you're already going to cheat and all."

"It's not cheating," Clare mumbled guiltily.

"Sure it isn't."

"I think you should leave now. I'll call you," Clare said curtly, closing their textbooks and packing up his backpack for him. She thrust the backpack into K.C.'s arms.

K.C. rolled his eyes, slinging the bag over his shoulder. "Please do." He leaned down and quickly kissed Clare on the cheek before retreating from the house.

Clare waited until she heard her front door open and close before she began to wildly pace around the living room.

Why did she agree to this? She had been so sure that Eli was her one and only. Clare thought that she loved him. She did love him, didn't she?

Clare knew about all of the pain Eli had gone through in his life, so why would she add to it? He had told her countless times how glad he was to have her, how he couldn't be without her.

But maybe that was just it. His possessiveness of her was starting to grow into something…like an obsession. Eli always had to be by her side, always touching her, kissing her, soothing her with words of endearment.

Clare had enjoyed it all for awhile, but lately she felt trapped in this relationship. Everything that had happened with Fitz recently and Eli's reaction to it made Clare feel less 'loved' by Eli and more needed, as a possession, like how one needs food to survive. She wasn't sure if there was any relationship or romance anymore. Not to mention Eli's mental breakdown; how could she keep him in a happy place when he had such a dark past? Now it seemed as if the relationship was all about Eli's feelings and keeping Eli happy; Clare's feelings could no longer be taken into consideration.

But she wasn't sure if she wanted out of it just yet.

And that must be why she agreed to K.C.'s proposition. He provided her with an escape when Eli began to suffocate her, but without Clare having to back out of her relationship with Eli. It gave her happiness and the opportunity to decided what she truly wanted.

The question was, should she really risk her relationship - and possibly Eli's mental health - just for her to feel happy and comfortable?

**Author's Note: Yes, Clare is out of character again, but it's because she's really confused after everything that happened in Jesus Etc. She's questioning Eli's sanity and why she even sticks with him. **

**I wonder where this will lead? You guys will just have to keep reading to figure it out. ;) By the way, I ship Eclare all the way. Just so you all know. xD Review, please! :)**


	2. Eli

**Of course, another short chapter. This chapter is a bit repetitive, basically Clare and Eli expressing what's been on their minds lately and Clare repeatedly having to explain herself. I didn't quite know what to write this chapter, so it's a bit of randomness. I hope you guys enjoy it just the same!**

2. Eli

Clare felt uneasy as she headed up the steps of Degrassi, her stomach doing flips. She couldn't rid her mind of the guilt that was eating her alive; there was no way she could face Eli today.

She hurried to her locker, occasionally glancing around and watching for Eli. As she quickly grabbed the books she needed, a soft voice said, "Hey."

Clare whipped around, looking Eli straight in his emerald green eyes. Her breath caught in her throat, and she struggled to say, "Eli. Hi."

"Are you avoiding me?" Eli asked bluntly, his mind spinning with the sense of déjà vu.

"N-no. Why would you think that?"

"You haven't responded to my texts, and every time I call, I get your voicemail. I know how to take a hint."

"I've just been really busy lately," Clare mumbled, averting her eyes from his.

"You don't have to lie to me."

"I'm telling the truth."

"Clare, you think I don't know you by now? I can tell when you're lying."

Clare looked back up at him, remembering yesterday with K.C.

"_Two years and you still don't know me very well."_

Eli had known her for barely seven months and yet he could see right through her, making Clare question her decision about seeing K.C. again.

"The ending of your story…it just freaked me out a bit," Clare confessed.

"It is a horror story," Eli pointed out, frowning slightly.

"I know, but…the way you said it was all about me…it made me kind of feel like…maybe you think like Malcolm."

"You think I'm going to kill you?" Eli asked in disbelief.

"No!" Clare said hastily. "But you just seem like…you would take extreme measures to keep me away from Fitz."

"Clare, that guy is a psycho -"

"I know what you think of him," Clare sighed in exasperation, "and that's not the point. My point is that I feel like you're getting too…attached to me."

Eli didn't say anything for awhile, but when he did, he began chuckling. "It's funny because _you_ were the one complaining that I wasn't letting you get close to me, and now you're being a complete hypocrite."

"It's different though," Clare protested.

"How?"

Clare wanted to retort that she wasn't insane, but she knew that was too cruel. "Eli, you have a lot of baggage, and I think it might have affected you, emotionally and mentally. I mean…I know I promised I wouldn't leave you but…we will break up eventually."

"No." Eli shook his head fiercely. "We don't have to break up."

"Eli, it's the way the world works. I'm not saying I want to break up, because I don't; I'm just saying that we're probably going to face more obstacles along the road, and we might not be able to get through them like we have been."

"You don't know that," Eli muttered. "For all you know, we might be soul mates. We might never break up."

Clare shifted her weight to her right foot, uneasiness overcoming her again. _This was why I wanted a break from him, _she reminded herself. He was obsessing over their relationship again, and he was being extremely…obsessed with the idea that they were going to grow up, get married, and live a happily ever after together.

_Minus the happily ever after, _Clare thought bitterly to herself. If that was the way her life eventually played out, she didn't think they would have a happy ending. They couldn't even get through these little stages.

"Clare?" another voice asked, and her cheeks automatically burned when she recognized who's it was.

She and Eli turned to look at K.C., Eli narrowing his eyes at the younger boy. "Um, you accidentally packed your notebook in my backpack yesterday," K.C. said awkwardly, handing Clare her notebook and trying to ignore Eli.

"Thanks," Clare mumbled, holding the notebook tight to her chest along with her other textbooks.

"All right. Then, um…let me know when you can tutor me next," K.C. said meaningfully.

Clare nodded. "Right. I will. See you around."

K.C. smiled a little before turning around and walking back down the hallway.

Eli watched him until he turned a corner, then looked back at Clare. "What was that about?"

"What do you mean?"

"Why were you guys together yesterday? I thought you hated him. Isn't he your ex-boyfriend?" Eli questioned her.

"He needed some homework help, and I offered to tutor him. I'm not going to turn away people in need," Clare explained, trying to make herself sound convincing.

"So I noticed," Eli growled.

"Why does that bother you?" Clare asked curiously, an edge to her tone.

"Everybody knows that you are the kindest, most forgiving person, Clare, and I just don't want people to take advantage of you for it. Fitz, K.C…they're not the best guys," Eli told her.

"And you're better than them?"

Eli tried to ignore the unintentional sting from her words. "I am probably not, but I want to be. For you. I wish I could be everything you want, but nobody's perfect."

"Yes, nobody's perfect, Eli, and that's why I want to help people to the best of my ability so that they can get as close to it as possible."

"Why do you care?"

"Because I think people should show the best in themselves and be the best they can be, and if I can help them get there, then I will," Clare insisted, though she knew she was just stacking excuses upon excuses; anything so that Eli couldn't tell that she had feelings for K.C…and possibly Fitz.

She had avoided Fitz since their latest incident with Eli, but Clare was dying to talk to him soon. She needed to sort out these 'feelings' he apparently had for her, and she had to be positive that she didn't feel the same way.

Eli shook his head. "Sometimes, I just don't get you," Eli murmured wearily.

The second bell rang, and Clare looked around, noticing the hallway was almost empty. "We need to get to class," Clare stated.

Eli nodded, still not moving. He scratched at the chipping black marker on one of his fingernails before whispering, "Well, call me, okay? Whenever feel like talking."

Clare was surprised at that last part; he was making it seem as if she didn't want to talk him at all, which wasn't technically the case. "I will," she promised. She closed her locker with her elbow, stretching up on her toes to peck Eli on the cheek before heading to her class.

Eli stood, stunned, in the middle of the hallway for a minute before tucking his hands into his pockets and trudging off to class.

**Author's Note: I wanted to end this chapter on a somewhat happy note. Things aren't necessarily settled, but Clare's done talking about them for now...Review, please! :)**


	3. Fitz

**Time for a Fitz chapter! What's crazy Clare going to do now? Read to find out! ;)**

3. Fitz

Clare wrapped her cardigan tighter around her as she walked out of the Church and into broad daylight. Though the sun was shining down on the city of Toronto, the weather was still nippy. Spring was just around the corner.

She looked down at her feet as she slowly put one foot in front of the other, walking home alone. Her parents had stopped going to Church since the divorce, and Clare was glad. They broke one of the Church's rules by divorcing, abusing the sacrament of matrimony. They were sinners, and they weren't welcome in the Church anymore.

_You're one to talk. You've broken some commandments of your own._

Clare felt the bile rise in her throat when she thought that. She was being a hypocrite, and Eli had called her out on it even though it was for a different reason.

She had seen K.C. just yesterday, and this time it wasn't for tutoring at all. Her mother hadn't been home, and K.C. brought a movie over for them to watch. They had snuggled on the couch together, Clare laying her head on K.C.'s shoulder and listening to the sounds of his breathing.

In a sense, it had seemed like K.C. had been right; the usual point of an affair was to have sexual relations behind another's back, but K.C. and Clare…they were treating this affair as if there was no Eli, as if they were truly dating. Maybe even in love.

In love?

"Clare!" somebody called.

Clare looked up when Fitz appeared at her side, panting from running to catch up to her.

"Hey," Clare said awkwardly.

"I'm sorry. About a week ago," Fitz apologized. "I was out of line. I knew you only wanted Eli, and I shouldn't have tried to push you to be with me."

"It's fine," Clare said, shaking her head. "I'm not even sure about Eli anymore."

Fitz raised his eyebrows. "What do you mean?"

"I feel…suffocated by him. He's so overprotective, and it's smothering me," Clare confessed.

"Clare, do you really love him? Or were you just saying that so I would leave you alone?" Fitz asked.

"I…I'm not sure," Clare admitted, hanging her head in shame.

"Not sure if you love him?" Fitz clarified, and Clare nodded.

Fitz was silent for awhile, and then he said softly, "Clare, have you ever thought about why you want to be with Eli?"

"Countless times, yes," Clare answered.

"Well, what reasons have you come up with?"

"He's…sweet, and funny, and smart. He's…empathetic, and a great comforter. He's usually very understanding of my feelings. But also…I'm afraid that if I leave him…he'll…he won't want to…live without me." Clare frowned.

"Clare, do you still remember Father Greg's sermon?" Clare nodded, and Fitz continued. "Matthew the tax collector was a very hated man, but Jesus converted him. Same with Saint Paul. Father Greg said it was part of Jesus' nature to make people good."

"Your point?"

"Clare, you are Jesus."

Clare's eyes widened. "Eli was right. You're crazy!"

"No, I mean that's what you do. You feel like you have to fix everybody, make them all perfect. K.C. was a rebellious punk, but you tamed him. I was messed up, but you converted me to the Christian way. And Eli…you're trying to fix him too. But you know you can't."

"What do you…that's not what I'm trying to do." Clare swallowed, seeing what Fitz meant. There was a pattern among the boys she had dated, and each one of them had changed for the better…except Eli.

Eli had gotten worse.

"Intended or not, you are a good influence on people. But I think you're staying with Eli until he is cured of whatever mental illness he has. Once he seems stable, you'll move on the next poor soul." Fitz didn't say this in a mean or bitter way; he was merely stating what he thought.

"You make me sound like some life-saving slut," Clare commented dryly.

"Clare…I need your help. Not necessarily more than Eli…but Eli can't be saved. You can see that I'm changing, but I need somebody to guide me. Please, Clare."

Fitz grabbed Clare's wrist gently, bringing them to a halt. Clare looked up at him in confusion, and Fitz let out a slow breath before bringing his lips down onto hers.

_You're in public. You can be seen. Somebody can tell Eli. This is wrong, Clare. Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong! _Clare thought, but she found herself kissing him back.

No. She shouldn't be doing this! She was already cheating on Eli with K.C., and that was bad enough. Cheating on Eli with two different people? That _would _make her a slut. And that just wasn't Clare.

_("I don't know who I am!")_

Maybe Clare was losing herself and her grip on reality. She had done so many things she normally never would do, and whether it had started because of her parents' divorce or because of Eli, she wasn't sure.

"Fitz, I can't," Clare mumbled, breaking away from him and turning her head so that his lips brushed her cheek.

"Why not?" his voice cracked, and Clare flinched.

"I'm not…I'm not that kind of person," Clare muttered.

"Then break up with Eli. I need you, Clare," Fitz begged.

"I can't…you can't ask me to do that."

"Clare, he's corrupting you!" Fitz growled in frustration. "You need somebody who's good for you!"

"And somehow you qualify?" Clare retorted.

Clare felt as if she was having this conversation for the second time. Eli had already lectured her for spending time with K.C., and then tried to justify that he was perfect for her, and now Fitz was doing the same.

"I believe in God now. I won't be bad for you," Fitz pointed out.

"You're persuading me to leave somebody who needs my help. That's not very Christian," Clare said matter-of-factly.

"How many times do I have to tell you? There's no way you can help Eli!" Fitz repeated, eyes blazing.

"Stop it!"

Fitz ignored her, continuing. "He doesn't deserve you, Clare! He's selfish, and greedy, and…well you know! Based on everything you've told me, it seems you're not content with him either!"

"I can't just leave him," Clare whispered, shaking her head.

"He's messing you up. The way you think, how you act - he's changing you! And you can't freaking see it!" Fitz felt the need to kick or punch something in annoyance, but he refrained.

Clare sighed, trying to think of what she could do. She didn't want to hurt anybody; she had a pathological need to please everybody and keep everybody happy. "What are your thoughts on…dating behind Eli's back?" Clare asked wearily.

"You mean cheating?" Fitz asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Not cheating," Clare grumbled. "A way for me to help everybody."

"Clare, it's not very Christian to -"

"Do you want me or not?" Clare snapped.

Fitz didn't think having Clare cheat on Eli would help her, but why did he honestly care? It wasn't necessarily about Clare's well-being; it was about his. He was being selfish, and he wanted to keep her away from Eli. Fitz could hit two birds with one stone - get his revenge on Eli(even though he was done with their rivalry) and get Clare.

"Of course I do," Fitz said firmly.

"We can only meet in private though," Clare informed him.

"How about we meet at Above The Dot? It's closed on the weekdays," Fitz suggested.

"Okay." Clare nodded, and Fitz couldn't help but notice how worn out she looked.

"Are you okay?" Fitz asked anxiously.

"Yes, I'm fine. Just stressed."

Fitz frowned. "I'm sorry if I'm…"

"No, no, it's not just you. It's everything. I can't seem to comprehend my life right now. There's so much going on, and so many hard decisions I have to make…" Clare trailed off, eyes becoming blank.

Fitz grimaced. He knew that if he really wanted to be a good person, he wouldn't make Clare do any of this.

_But you're a selfish person, Fitz, and you aren't a good person._

"I'm sorry," Fitz apologized.

Clare shook her head. "Don't be. Walk me home?" She smiled a little, and Fitz nodded, carefully wrapping an arm around her shoulders and bringing her closer to him. Clare let out a shaky breath, and together they walked to her house, Clare trying to see what her morals were anymore.

**Author's Note: So, with K.C. it was about Clare needing a break from Eli. Adding Fitz into the mix is showing the side of Clare that needs to make everybody but herself happy, even though Clare isn't really unhappy having an affair with Fitz. We're starting to see the true motives of the boys; K.C. wanted sex(and maybe Clare too), Eli wants somebody who gives him a reason to live(or somebody who loves him), and Fitz wants redemption, revenge, and Clare. Oh yes. I am an evil author. Review, please! :)**


	4. KC II

**Yep! I finally got a new chapter out! And for clarification, incase you all can't figure it out, Lauren is K.C.'s daughter. Okay, enjoy! ;D**

4. K.C.

"K.C.," Clare breathed, trying to keep her eyes on her textbook.

K.C. pushed her sweater off of one side of her shoulder, then kissing it. "Come on," he whispered, kissing along her shoulder.

"I have a test tomorrow. I need to study."

"Take a break," K.C. murmured, brushing her hair away from her neck and moving his lips to the base of her neck.

Clare shivered, his touch tickling her. "You have a test too," she pointed out.

"But I know that cramming will fry my brain and stress me out," K.C. said matter-of-factly.

Clare rolled her eyes, staring harder at the words she was trying to read.

Clare finally looked at K.C. when he began to kiss the hollow under her jaw. She sighed, then threw the Physics book off of her lap and brought K.C.'s lips to hers. He wrapped one arm around her waist, pulling Clare up to him, and Clare fell back on the couch with K.C. on top of her.

K.C. pulled off the rest of her sweater, her bare shoulders visible now. He tugged on the straps of her camisole, pulling one down.

"No," Clare warned him, kissing his Adam's apple.

"But Clare," K.C. moaned.

"What are my rules?"

K.C. groaned, unwinding himself from her and sitting up. "Sometimes you're no fun," he accused her.

Clare stayed where she was, looking up at him. "So I've been told."

The sound of jingling keys made Clare sit up quickly, both her and K.C.'s heads whipping to look at the door of the apartment.

"K.C., I bought some fried chicken…" Lisa trailed off when she saw Clare.

Clare's face flushed in embarrassment, and she hastily adjusted the straps on her camisole, pulling her sweater up and around her again.

"Hi Mom," K.C. mumbled.

Lisa's head tilted to the side slightly. "Who's this?"

"Oh, um, this is my friend, Clare. We were just…studying."

Clare nodded quickly, combing her tangled curls with her fingers.

"Studying. Right." Lisa assessed Clare for a minute in a curious way, then looked at her son. "Have you even bothered to call Jenna and see how Lauren is doing? Have you even gone over there to help her?"

"The baby isn't my responsibility anymore. Jenna made that clear," K.C. said bitterly, and Clare looked at him in confusion and curiosity.

"As the father of that baby, you are responsible for her," Lisa insisted. "I want you to call up Jenna and ask her if she needs anything after dinner."

"Can Clare stay for dinner?" K.C. blurted, biting his bottom lip slightly in a way that made him seem innocent and pleading.

"Sure," Lisa sighed, "but don't think I'm going to let you forget."

"I'm, um, not sure if that's a good idea," Clare said hastily.

K.C. frowned at her. "Why not?"

"I do need to study -"

"I promise we'll study after we eat."

"But K.C. -"

"No buts. Come on, Clare. You finally get to meet my mother; this could be good for us," K.C. whispered.

"'Us'? K.C., there isn't supposed to be an 'us'!" Clare whispered back, her voice rising in panic. "I don't want to get to know your mother because I don't want her thinking I'm going to be around, or that we're in a serious relationship." Clare hid her face in her hands. "Nobody was supposed to know about us."

"My mom isn't going to tell Eli," K.C. muttered.

"No, but I just…I didn't want anybody knowing."

"It's just dinner, Clare."

Clare glared at him. "Why do you even want me to? This -" Clare pointed back and forth between the two of them, "- was just supposed to be a casual fling."

"I love you, Clare," K.C. declared, and Clare's face paled, "and I want you around. I want you to meet my mother, and I want her to know everything about you; why I care about you the way I do, about our past, about my mistake of letting you go."

"I - I really should leave," Clare whispered, slinging her bag over her shoulder and gathering her books.

"Don't go," Lisa piped up, and Clare looked at K.C.'s mother, brow furrowing. She hadn't heard their conversation, right?

"K.C. won't do any of his work if there isn't somebody to keep him focused on it," Lisa explained. "And what you kids are working on is way beyond me."

"My mother has a point," K.C. said with a nod, completely oblivious of the panic and anxiety he was causing for Clare. "Please stay?"

"I….I…"

Clare couldn't breathe. Her heart was pounding against her chest, her lungs heaving as they attempted to take in air. She closed her eyes for a second, trying to get a grip on herself.

Being with K.C. wasn't supposed to be complicated. There was no strings attached, and she could come to him whenever she pleased without him saying a thing. She was allowed to use somebody for once in her life.

But of course there were going to be complications. She even knew that one of them would probably fall for the other again; though of course, she had expected it to be her.

And now K.C. was starting to scare her with his words of adoration, his need for her to stay. He wasn't half as bad as Eli, but the fact that what Clare had run away from was following her terrified her.

Did she honestly just have to take a break and be all by herself, cut off from all boys?

"O-okay," Clare whispered against her better judgment.

A grin spread across K.C.'s face. "Great!" He gently took her bag and books from her, placing them on the couch before leading Clare the four steps to their smiling dining table. He pulled out a seat for her, and Clare smiled politely before sitting down.

Lisa placed the bucket of chicken in the center of the table, then rifled through the plastic bag looped through her arm and pulling out a box of biscuits and coleslaw. She grabbed a few paper plates from a cabinet, distributing them to each person, and then grabbed a fork for everybody and distributed those as well.

"I'm sorry that I can't make a home cooked meal like you're used to, Clare," Lisa apologized, sitting down with a sigh. "I'm a little rusty at being a mother."

"Oh no, it's fine," Clare assured her, spooning some coleslaw onto her plate and grabbing a chicken leg.

"It's too bad you weren't over yesterday. We had Chinese, and there's this great place around the corner that Mom gets ours from," K.C. said through a mouthful of food. He swallowed what he was chewing, then took a ravenous bite out of a large chicken leg.

"It's too bad," Clare repeated K.C., trying to make her voice sound sincere.

They sat in silence for a moment, Clare picking at her coleslaw with her fork before deciding to finally scoop some into her mouth.

"So, Clare, how do you know my son?" Lisa asked politely, attempting to make conversation.

"We're both in the Gifted Program at Degrassi. We met in freshman year," Clare replied simply.

"Oh, so you guys have been friends for awhile now?"

Clare looked at K.C. warningly, and he ignored her and said, "We were friends for awhile in freshman year, then started dating."

Lisa's eyes widened slightly, but she just nodded. "Ah, I see."

Clare could tell that Lisa was curious as to what happened between them or what had been going on currently, and Clare quickly said, "We broke up in the middle of our freshman year," Clare muttered. She refused to say why, not wanting to give out what she felt was private information.

"I was eyeing other girls," K.C. told his mother honestly, and Clare's neck flushed in annoyance at his openness. "I left Clare for Jenna. Biggest mistake I ever made." K.C. looked pointedly at Clare, and the blush spread to her cheeks.

Lisa coughed awkwardly at her son's confession. "Well. I'm sorry you feel that way, sweetie." She looked at Clare, and Clare could see the apology forming on the woman's lips. But Lisa held it in, not wanting to make anything more uncomfortable.

"Mom, I want to tell you so that you don't find out by accident and think of it as something else," K.C. began, and Clare looked at him in panic. "Mom, earlier you walk in on me and Clare making out. I care for her, and I don't want to be with Jenna. Jenna could tell, and that's why she told me not to worry about Lauren. Well, more like she told me I wasn't allowed near here. I want to be with Clare."

Clare sat there, shocked, for a moment before rapidly getting out of her seat. "Thank you, so much, for dinner, Mrs. Guthrie," Clare thanked K.C.'s mother, "but I believe it's time for me to go."

"Clare, hang on!" K.C. called to her as she gathered her things again and bustled to the front door. "Clare!"

Clare was about to shut the door behind her when K.C. stuck his foot in between, stopping it from closing. "Wait," he breathed.

Clare whipped around to look at him, her body shaking nervously. "K.C., you knew you weren't supposed to tell!" she whisper-shouted. "It's an _affair! _It's supposed to be a secret!"

"But I don't want it to be anymore!" K.C. growled fiercely. He opened the door a little and stepped forward, closer to Clare, and she took a step back. He sighed. "Clare, I don't want this to be just a little fling anymore. I want you; I want to be seen in public with you. I want to be able to hold your hand, and kiss your cheek, and wrap my arm around your waist and pull you closer to me. I want to have everybody see that you're _mine_."

"But I'm not," Clare responded softly.

"That's right. You're that Goth boy's," K.C. said, tone harsh and bitter.

"I didn't want anything serious from this K.C.," Clare groaned. "You knew that!"

"But you couldn't just expect me, or even you, to not feel something from the other! I still love you! I never stopped!" K.C. exclaimed.

Clare shook her head. "K.C. -"

"Tell me you love me too."

Clare looked up into K.C.'s wide brown eyes, and she could see the hope, the begging, shining in them. She didn't want to let him down or make him upset. But she didn't want to feed him lies either. She cared about K.C., she did, but she didn't…she didn't think she loved him. Not the way he must love her.

"I don't know," Clare admitted, and K.C. looked down at his feet dejectedly.

"Then I can't do this anymore," he whispered.

"No, K.C., please -"

"You need to choose. I can't live like this anymore. It's either me or _Eli_." K.C. said his name with such loathing and hatred that it made Clare wince.

"I can't…please, don't ask me to do that."

"You have to. Or else I'm done."

Clare looked at him with her blue eyes, trying to force him to take back his words with her innocent-looking face. But he looked away, and she swallowed hard. "I'll call you when I…when I choose," she muttered, and almost ran down the hall, trying to hold back the gasps escaping from her lips as she struggled to breathe, struggled to think.

She had screwed everything up.

And now she was paying the price by having to face one of the most difficult choices she had ever had to make.

**Author's Note: Oooo, looks like things are starting to take a turn for the worst for Clare. How will it all play out? You'll just have to keep reading to find out! Haha, review, please! :) **


	5. Fitz II

**Finally got another chapter done! I think you guys will like this one. ;) Enjoy!**

5. Fitz

Clare felt numb as she walked to The Dot to meet Fitz. It was one of those spring days where it just had to be cold, and she longed for when she used to be able to ride with Eli in Morty, the heat cranked up, causing the old hearse to wheeze.

Eli. She hadn't talked to him in two weeks, and he hadn't made an effort to talk to her. Clare knew she should feel relieved, now that she was getting the break she had wanted, but she felt herself pining for him.

She felt horrible. The complications and consequences of her actions had finally caught up to her, and now she realized how truly stuck she was.

Clare couldn't choose between Eli and K.C. She just couldn't.

A lump formed in her throat when she imagined what could happen if she chose K.C. over Eli.

_Eli, crying again in Morty. _

_Eli with a bloody, cut up wrist._

_Eli sitting on the floor of his bedroom, swallowing pills._

_Eli, stone cold, in a casket._

Clare shook her head fiercely, trying to forget what she had envisioned. There was no way any of the last three options would happen to Eli. He wouldn't do those things to himself.

Would he?

She was poised to turn down the alley that led to the entrance of Above The Dot, afraid to move when she spotted Adam and Eli through the front window of the shop itself. Eli was looking down blankly at a cup of coffee, and Adam appeared to be trying to start a conversation with his best friend.

_Black coffee, most likely. That's the way he likes it, _Clare reminded herself.

She stifled a gasp when Eli's head suddenly shot up, but it took her a second to realize that he wasn't looking at her. His green eyes were narrowed at Fitz as the tall boy made his way around the shop and to the door that led to the floor above. Fitz turned around slightly to check if anybody was watching him, and he froze for a moment when he saw Eli looking at him. Fitz shook his head and opened the door, then closing it behind him.

Clare watched as Eli looked back down at his cup, bitter expression on his face, his lips then parting to say something. Adam nodded, whether in agreement or acknowledgement, Clare wasn't sure.

Feeling it was safe now, Clare's limbs unfroze. But she had only gotten a few steps into the alley when she felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand up in warning. She whipped around to find Eli and Adam exiting The Dot, cups of coffee still in hand. Eli said something quickly to Adam, and then handed his cup to him before jogging slightly to Morty.

Adam stood awkwardly in front of the restaurant, surveying his surroundings. Clare's breathed hitched in her throat when his blue eyes rested on her, hiding in the shadows.

He frowned at her, tilting his head to the side in a questioning manner, wondering why she was there. Clare, after a moment of debating what to do, turned around and hurried down the alley, trying to pretend that she hadn't seen her friend. She turned a corner and pressed her back against the wall of the building, out of sight now, breathing heavily.

"What are you looking at?" she heard Eli's voice ask Adam.

"I thought I saw…" Adam trailed off.

Clare stayed where she was, now feeling the urge to eavesdrop to make absolute sure Adam didn't mention seeing her.

"What?" Eli demanded.

"Never mind," Adam muttered.

"Well then, let's sit down and finish our coffee - away from Fitz's presence," Eli grunted.

"I don't understand why you would want to come here if you very well knew Fitz was going to be here," Adam said.

It was quiet for a moment, and then Clare strained to hear Eli whisper, "I was hoping I might run into Clare."

Clare held back the aching sadness that overcame her. He missed her, it was clear he did; Clare felt horrible for hurting him by avoiding him.

"She just needed her space, I suppose," Adam explained gently. "Don't worry. She's not going to ignore you forever."

"Not helping," Eli muttered.

Clare closed her eyes, trying to think straight and get a hold of herself before she saw Fitz. She didn't want to be worrying about Eli when she was with him; that was the opposite of the point of their affair. But she knew he'd always been on her mind no matter what. That was the affect Eli had on her.

"She'll come around, Eli. You just have to be patient. She can't just leave you and not explain why she did." Adam's voice sounded a little tense, confused. And it seemed to have a meaningful edge to it, as if he was directing it to Clare.

Like he knew she was listening.

Clare's eyes widened, and she took in a deep breath, running up the metal steps to Above The Dot. She opened the door slowly, trying not to make any noise.

Fitz was sitting on the edge of the bare stage, his hands folded on his lap. "Clare," he breathed, a smile crossing his face.

Clare smiled tentatively back, closing the door behind her and practically running to him. He stood up quickly in time for Clare to throw her arms around him. Fitz was surprised by her passion, but wrapped his arms around her in a tight embrace.

"Is something wrong?" he asked cautiously.

"I saw Eli," Clare started off, keeping her face buried in his shoulder.

"Yes. And?" Fitz asked patiently.

"He…he misses me, Fitz." Clare's voice was thick with sadness.

Fitz stiffened. "Wait. Did you talk to him?"

"No, no. I didn't have the courage to. I overheard what he was saying to Adam, though…I feel awful."

"I know what you mean," Fitz replied sincerely.

"You do?" Clare asked in confusion, pulling away slightly and looking up at him.

"I had been mustering up the courage to apologize to you for the longest time, Clare." He caressed her cheek with the back of his hand softly. "I'm so glad I was finally able to."

"But you didn't hurt my feelings," Clare croaked. "You didn't shatter my heart into pieces."

"It's not like you've broken up with Eli," Fitz said indignantly, his hand dropping back to his side. "He's just being overemotional."

"Fitz," Clare warned.

"I mean, you shouldn't be feeling guilty at all. He can't judge you for wanting space," Fitz continued.

"But I knew that it would hurt him, and yet here I go, doing it anyway. When you love somebody…you don't want to see them hurt or in pain," Clare voiced her thoughts out loud.

"So you love him now?" Fitz asked bitterly.

"I never stopped," Clare said slowly.

"You told me before we started this that you didn't know how you felt about him," Fitz reminded her.

Clare opened her mouth to say something, then closed it with a frown.

Fitz chuckled humorlessly. "What if you're just fooling yourself? Maybe it's not love that you feel for him. It could just be pity."

"Stop. I don't pity him," Clare replied dryly.

"You do," Fitz accused. "You can see just as clearly as I can that he's messed up. He's writing these crazy emo stories about you and always angry. He can't let go of a grudge, and he's extremely paranoid and possessive." Fitz paused to assess Clare's expression. "And you know that everything I'm saying is exactly what you think. It's all the truth."

Clare didn't say anything for a moment, and then she muttered, "Eli's not messed up."

"Well he's certainly not in a right state of mind," Fitz snorted.

"I'm done talking about this if you're going to criticize me. And him," Clare told him through narrowed eyes.

"I'm sorry," Fitz sighed. "It's just…You can so easily talk about how you feel with Eli…" Clare rolled her eyes, but Fitz ignored it. "…and yet when I ask how you feel about me, you say it's complicated."

"Because it is," Clare insisted.

"And your relationship with Eli isn't?"

"Fitz, you're my _affair. _I'm not supposed to have feelings for you." Clare sounded flustered, almost annoyed.

"That's practically a stereotype. Whoever told you affairs are just meant for sex was wrong."

Clare thought of K.C., realizing how different the two boys were thinking. _Maybe K.C. really did only want sex. Maybe he was just saying he loved me to get me to sleep with him._

No. He had seemed very sincere about his feelings, though he probably did have sex on his mind at times.

Fitz however…he just seemed to want Clare.

Because he needed somebody to love him.

But so did Eli.

"Clare, what I'm really trying to say is…I don't want you going back to Eli anymore. He's not right for you; I mean, he judges you because of your faith in Jesus. I personally love discussing religion with you, and I'd never insult what you believe in like he does. He doesn't support you or what you do, Clare. I do."

Fitz cupped Clare's cheeks with his hands, bringing his lips slowly down to hers. Clare let him kiss her, but she didn't kiss him back. At least not very enthusiastically.

Fitz sighed again, pulling away from her. "Come on, Clare. See sense. I'm good for you." He looked down at her, eyes fixing on hers.

Clare looked away uncomfortably, not knowing what to say.

"I don't want to do this anymore," Fitz said, tone flat.

Clare looked back at him with widened eyes. "Wh-what do you mean?"

"I can't stand that you don't belong to me. That you can't love because you love _him._ You'll have to choose."

"Excuse me?" Clare gasped, déjà vu making her mind reel.

"Me or Eli?" Fitz demanded.

"You can't ask me to do that!" Clare was reminded of the panic in her tone, one that she had voiced only the day before.

"I'm sorry," Fitz murmured weakly, "but I don't want you to have conflicting feelings for me. I know it's Eli's fault, and I want you to get rid of him. So you can be with me."

"Fitz, please…" Clare begged.

Fitz shook his head, taking a step away from her. "I need to go back down there. My break is over. Call me when you've made your decision."

Fitz turned around and headed for the door that led back down to the coffee shop. He paused, hand on the doorknob, and turned around. "I love you, Clare," he said softly, then opened the door and headed downstairs.

Clare sunk to the ground, her head hanging in shame, in guilt. She couldn't believe this was happening to her again.

"What are you doing up here?" a harsh, monotone voice asked.

Clare looked up through her tear-filled eyes to see Adam standing in the doorway she had come in through.

"I, um…came here with Alli Friday night, and I thought I might have left something of mine here. I guess not." Clare rose to her feet shakily, sniffling and wiping her eyes.

Adam looked at her suspiciously with narrowed eyes. "I saw Fitz come up here. Did you happen to run into each other?"

"I-I saw him, but we didn't say much," Clare stammered.

"Right," Adam answered, unconvinced. He waited a moment before saying, "Clare. You know that you're killing him, don't you?"

Clare considered playing dumb, but thought better of it. "I know. And I'm sorry." Her voice cracked, and she looked down at the ground.

"Clare, I care about Eli too," Adam said wearily, "and I hate seeing him so upset. So…uncaring about everything around him. Like he's in some whole other world. Like -"

"I get it," Clare snapped, then cringed at the tone in her voice.

"What I'm trying to say is…you need to tell him. Tell him everything. If you're not going to, and you're going to insist that you're not doing anything with Fitz…then I'll have to tell him. And I don't think you'd want me to do that."

"I…I can't," Clare mumbled, her voice heavy with grief and guilt.

"You have to. Only you can make things right," Adam told her firmly. "Please, Clare. I hate standing around and watching my friend struggle in pain."

"Why didn't you tell him that you saw me?" Clare asked bitterly. "Then he could be the one hounding me right now and not you."

"I told you, because he shouldn't find out from anyone else but you. Tell him before somebody beats you to it," Adam pleaded with her, his stone-cold blue eyes now revealing desperation.

"I…I'll see," Clare whispered.

"I know he's freaking you out," Adam said softly, "but he doesn't deserve this." And with that said, he backed away from the doorway and out of Clare's sight.

She listened to the sound his feet made as he ran down the metal steps, waiting a few minutes before leaving herself and bursting into tears.

**Author's Note: So, what do ya'll think? Story's getting dramatic, isn't it? Just you wait; I already have a plan for the next chapter...I think there's only going to be two chapters left of this story. remember, I did say it was going to be a short one! Review, please, and why not leave some comments on who you think Clare is going to choose? :) **


	6. Alone

**Short chapter! I thought I should cut this chapter off, because I had a feeling it would get long. So, enjoy this little bit and anxiously await the next chapter! ;)**

6. Alone

Clare was blasting Christina Perri through the headphones Eli had given her so long ago, trying to keep herself from crying. The lyrics of _Jar of Hearts _was too similar to her situation, except she was the heartbreaker. She was the one running around and leaving scars.

Clare sighed. Lying on her bed and being depressed wasn't going to solve any of her problems.

Clare groaned when she remembered the decision she was faced with. It was much harder to choose when K.C. and Fitz didn't even know about each other. If she told K.C. she chose him over Eli, she still had Fitz on the other end. She could not say yes to both guys, and she knew that.

Did that mean that if she chose one of the boys from her affairs, then she would have to tell them about each other?

Clare groaned again. Why had she made her life so complicated?

She pulled her headphones off and put her mp3 player on pause, sitting up in her bed. Her phone buzzed next to her suddenly, and she lunged for it, flipping it open quickly. Clare sighed when she saw it was only a text from Alli.

She had been hoping K.C. or Fitz would call to tell her that they didn't need her to choose, that they didn't care as long as they got to be with her. But no such call had come in yet.

A bang caused Clare to jump. Loud shouting floated up to her room, and she slowly got off of her bed and headed for her bedroom door. She opened it just a crack, and nearly jumped back when the muffled shouts intensified.

"Are you sure it was even him? Maybe you were making it up!" Helen accused Randall, her voice naturally loud even though she didn't sound angry.

"It was him, Helen," Randall growled, "I'm sure of it!"

Clare frowned and stepped out of her room, carefully creeping down the stairs. She sat on one of the higher steps, ducking down slightly to peek at her parents through the empty space where wall should be.

"Was he doing anything?"

"What do you mean 'was he doing anything?'?" Randall asked her in annoyance.

"Well, I don't know! Maybe he wasn't fighting back?"

"Oh he was. He looked vicious, Helen. He didn't fight like an amateur," Randall informed her.

"Did you see who he was fighting with?" Helen pressed.

"He was hard to make out. But he looked like one of the boys I saw at one of Degrassi's open houses…He's in the Gifted Program with Clare, I'm pretty sure."

Clare's face paled. She knew they could be talking about anybody - Connor, Wesley, Adam - but her mind automatically flashed to K.C. She suddenly felt sick, too concerned for his well-being.

"Did you try to stop them?" Helen asked.

"Of course not, but I called the cops," Randall responded to her. "My point is that I don't want Clare around him anymore. He's a bad influence."

"Randall…he makes her happy," Helen said softly.

Clare's heart pounded against her chest. Did her mother know about her feelings for K.C.?

"I don't care! I care only about Clare growing up to be a good young woman, and this boy is bringing her down!" Randall snapped.

"I believe our daughter deserves to be happy after everything we've put her through," Helen countered.

"I'm just looking out for her," Randall insisted.

Finally, Clare couldn't bare the curiosity anymore. "What's going on?" she asked innocently, standing up quickly and walking down the stairs as if she had just come out of her room.

Randall and Helen looked over to their daughter, and Randall took a step towards her.

"Honey, I don't want you around Eli anymore," Randall said firmly.

Clare looked at him in shock. Eli? No, this was about K.C. Wasn't it? "W-why?" Clare stammered.

"He's not good enough for you, Clarebear, and he's not the best person. We don't think you should be with him anymore."

Clare shook her head. Even though they didn't know she hadn't been with Eli in awhile, she wasn't just going to go along with whatever her father said. "No, I won't stay away from him."

"Clare, please don't be difficult. I just want what's best for you."

"No," Clare repeated, sticking up her chin indignantly.

"Clare Diana Edwards, listen to your father," Helen whispered.

"You were on my side! Why are you agreeing with him now?" Clare yelled at her mother, forgetting the fact that she shouldn't have heard their previous conversation.

Helen look surprised and a bit flustered. "Clare, we're your parents. Please, just -"

"NO! I will not!"

Suddenly, Clare felt something slam into her cheek hard. Her head whipped to the right from the force, and she gasped sharply.

Randall glared down at her, his hand still raised. Clare tentatively touched her stinging cheek, wincing at the pain.

Helen stared at them for a long moment, and then rushed into a series of curse words. "Randall, how DARE you lay a hand on our daughter!" she shrieked.

Randall ignored his angered ex-wife, turning and walking out of the front door as the realization of what he had done hit him. Helen followed after him, shouting all the while.

Clare's breathing was shallow as she slammed the front door shut, locking it so that neither of her parents could come back in. She ran up to her room, slamming that door too and collapsing onto her bed. She clutched the sheets tightly in her fists, sobbing harder than she had in the past month.

She looked over at her phone, which was lying still on her bed. She sniffed, knowing who she wanted - no, _needed_ - to be with her right now. The only person she knew that could comfort her right now. The only person who she felt safe with when he held her in his arms.

Clare reached for her phone and dialed his number quickly, her hand shaking as she held the phone to her ear.

"Hello?" a hoarse voice asked.

"Please come. Please come here, now," Clare begged, her voice sounding strangled as she continued to cry.

"Clare? What's wrong?" the voice took on a tone of panic, alerted by the sound of her voice.

"I need you in my home. Please. Please," Clare pleaded with him.

"I'll be right over," the voice assured her.

Clare nodded quickly, even though she knew he couldn't see her.

"Please hurry, Eli."

**Author's Note: BUM BUM BUM BUMMMM! Cliffhanger. Sort of ish. What did you guys think? Does this chapter mean Clare chooses Eli? I don't know...you guys'll have to wait and see. xP Review, please! :)**


	7. Eli II

**I think you guys will like this chapter a lot, and I was looking forward to writing this one the most. :D Enjoy!**

7. Eli

Clare still lay huddled on her bed, face hidden in her bed sheets. She suddenly heard a quiet clicking noise, and she looked up to see Eli standing by her door, looking down at her with no expression on his face.

"What happened?" Clare gasped when she saw him, though she could guess.

His bottom lip was bleeding from a deep cut, and his hair was messy and knotted. His clothes were ruffled and dirty, a hole torn at the knee of his jeans.

"I was attacked," Eli mumbled, not moving.

"By who?"

"That crazy ex-boyfriend of yours."

Clare blinked at him. "K.C.?" Eli nodded warily. "Why?"

"I'm not sure. He said something about me corrupting you…and something about me taking you away from him?"

Clare blanched. "I don't know what he's talking about."

Eli shook his head. "No matter." He gave her a hard look. "What was so important that I had to climb in through your kitchen window to get here?"

"I…and…he…"

Eli looked closely at her, and then alarm spread across his face. In two strides he was at her beside, bending down so he could be at eye level with her. "Clare, what happened to your cheek?"

"My dad," Clare choked out.

Darkness filled Eli's green eyes. "He did this to you?" he asked her, his voice scarily calm.

Clare nodded, the tears silently flowing out of her eyes again.

And suddenly his arms were around her, gripping her tightly to his chest. "Oh Clare," he whispered, kissing the top of her hair. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

It was the first apology Clare had ever heard come out of Eli's mouth, and she was stunned, yet comforted by it. She placed her hands over his own and closed her eyes, enjoying the feel of being in his embrace once more.

"We can leave, if you want," Eli suggested, and Clare opened her eyes to look up at him.

"Leave…right now?"

"If you don't want to, it's fine," Eli said quickly.

"I don't," Clare murmured, and Eli's heart sank. "I don't because I'm fine being here in your arms," Clare explained softly, and Eli relaxed.

"I've missed you, Clare," Eli breathed.

Clare's stomach churned in guilt, but she just buried deeper into Eli's arms. "I've missed you too."

It wasn't a complete lie. Eli was completely different from both K.C. and Fitz, and she had missed having somebody she could really talk to. She may not have missed him as much as he had missed her, or in the same way(him missing their relationship and her missing having somebody to talk to), but she could admit to longing for him multiple times in the past three weeks.

"Clare…do you love me?" Eli asked suddenly.

Clare knew that she was automatically expected to say yes. She could feel the answer rolling on her tongue, but she couldn't seem to open her mouth and speak it. Why?

Because she'd been given so many reasons not to by everybody else.

"You're hesitating," Eli stated, and his voice sounded so broken it made Clare want to cry.

"Of course I love you, Eli," Clare managed to say, though she could hear the guilt in her tone.

"So then why won't you tell me the truth about K.C.?"

"There isn't anything to tell," Clare gasped, another small panic attack gripping her like they had the past few days.

"Clare, did we not have a conversation before about me knowing when you're lying?" Eli whispered.

"Eli, I'm sorry!" Clare burst out at last, turning and hiding her face in his shirt. "I was so overwhelmed by our relationship, I just…I wanted one with no complications. And K.C. said he missed me and that he still had feelings for me…and he promised me he would be my relief from the stress of our relationship…"

"So…you cheated on me?" Eli muttered flatly.

Clare figured now that her secret as out, she might as well tell the whole truth. "And then Fitz…Fitz said he needed me in his life, he needed me to help him be a true Christian. Even though adultery is a sin, I couldn't refuse to help him. It was so hard balancing all of these relationships, that I ended up avoiding you to get rid of one of the complications in my life."

"I'm…a complication?" Eli said through gritted teeth.

"No!" Clare protested.

"I'm making your life harder," Eli said, ignoring her.

"You're not!" Clare told him, though, in a sense, he was.

Eli shook his head, unwrapping his arms from around her. "I…I don't know how to deal with this," he mumbled, hiding his face in his hands and crossing his legs on the bed.

Clare rested a hand on his shoulder. "Eli, please. I didn't mean to cheat on you. I just needed a break."

"Then why didn't you ask for one instead of going around and dating other guys behind my back?" Eli choked out.

"I'm sorry," Clare repeated, trying to make herself sound as sincere and honest as possible.

"Prove it." Eli's voice was suddenly so loud and clear that Clare jumped slightly.

"How…how can I…?"

"I don't know. But prove it. Or I don't know if I can forgive you." Eli fixed his intense gaze on her, and Clare resisted the urge to cringe away.

Only one thing came to Clare's mind that she knew should win Eli over. As reluctant as she might be to do it, she had to if she was going to save their relationship.

Clare leaned forward and roughly pressed her lips to his.

Eli almost pulled away, wondering and almost fearing what she was up to. Was she going to play around with his heart and make him think she loved him this way?

Clare pulled herself closer to Eli and took his hands, bringing them to just over her breasts. Eli's cold hands brushed over the exposed skin there, and he realized that Clare was only dressed in a camisole and short shorts.

"What are you doing?" Eli whispered against her lips.

"Shh," she chided him, then reaching down to pull of his shirt. Eli broke away for a second to assist her, and Clare's eyes widened when she saw the black and blue blotches covering Eli's skin.

"K.C. really hurt you," Clare gasped.

"It's nothing," Eli murmured, pressing his lips back to Clare's. He fell onto his back, Clare on top of him. Her body lay in between his legs, her fingers intertwined into his hair. Eli wrapped his arms around her torso, kissing her more fiercely.

Clare broke away and sat up for a quick second, pulling off her camisole. Eli watched her in amazement, trying to process that they had finally gotten this far in their relationship. Clare reached down and began to nimbly unbutton his ragged jeans.

"You don't have to do this," Eli murmured to her.

"I-I want to," Clare said, stumbling over her words. Nervousness coursed through her body and numbed her brain, but she knew she had to do this. If it was the only way to get Eli to trust her, then she had to.

She just had to.

* * *

"Clare Diana Edwards! Open this door!" a muffled voice shouted from downstairs. Clare listened as her mother banged on the front door some more, but it was no use. Clare was not going to let her back in, at least not now.

Her head was rested on Eli's feverish chest, which rose and fell quickly as Eli attempted to catch his breath. Clare had one arm draped over his waist, the bed sheets hiding his body past that. The bed sheets were pulled up and around her chest, for she was too discomforted to keep her naked body exposed to her boyfriend.

Eli's eyes were narrowed to slits, a light sheen of sweat covering his face. "She's been banging on that door for fifteen minutes straight," he mumbled.

"Fifteen? I didn't hear it start up till about five minutes ago."

Eli chuckled. "Maybe I have better hearing than you. Or you were too distracted to notice…"

Clare's cheeks automatically flushed with color. "Uh…"

Eli laughed a real laugh this time. "You're adorable, Miss Edwards."

"Does this mean you forgive me?" Clare asked, almost inaudibly, sitting up a little.

Eli winced, for she was putting pressure on a bruise on his chest, and Clare lay back down. "Was this…your first time?"

"…Yes."

"Then I forgive you."

"What did my virginity have to do with your decision to forgive me?"

"I had wanted to be your first. This proves…that you didn't completely betray me," Eli explained, and Clare squirmed in guilt. "You saved yourself for me, Clare, for this moment. It means a lot to me."

"Oh," Clare whispered.

What had this meant to her? Did it mean she loved Eli enough to go this far with him? Or had she just done what she had to do to get Eli to stay?

As Clare pondered this, her mother's voice again rose up to them. "Clare!" Helen had taken on a tone of worry. "Honey! Please open this door! Your father's gone now!"

"You really should let her in at some point," Eli muttered wearily.

"I'm afraid to."

"Clare, she didn't…she wasn't the one who hurt you. Besides, I'm here. You're safe," he assured her.

"I know, but…they don't want me to see you anymore. That's why they were arguing."

"Why?"

"My dad saw you and K.C. fighting, and he thinks you're dangerous for me to be around, or something like that."

"And why did he slap you, exactly?" Eli questioned.

"Because I told them no."

"Clare you…you defied your parents? For me?"

"I think it's becoming a habit."

Eli smiled faintly, then quieted into thought. "What if…we ran away?" he suggested quietly.

"R-ran away?"

"It's the only way we can be together, and I've got a car. We could pack your things now and -"

"But my mom's still outside waiting for me to open the door."

"Well…let her in, and then just come back up here. We can wait until late when she's asleep and then sneak out. You'll never have to deal with your parents again, and we can be together forever," Eli urged her.

Clare frowned. "Eli…we don't even have any money."

"You think I can't take care of that?"

Clare sighed. "I don't know."

"Well, just think about it," Eli begged her, then yawned. "I'm going to sleep. Wake me when you make up your mind." Eli unwrapped his arms from around her and turned over onto his side, back to Clare. After a few minutes, Clare could hear light snores to signal that he was asleep.

Clare glanced at her clock, which read 7:30 at night. The sky outside was already dark, and Clare made sure Eli was asleep before slowly climbing out of her bed.

She picked up her cell phone and walked into her bathroom, closing the door silently behind her. Taking a deep shuttering breath, she flipped open the phone and began to dial.

_"Hey, you've reached K.C. I'm out right now, but I'll call you back. You know what to do at the beep."_

Clare stifled a sigh and waited for the beep to come. When it did, she whispered. "Hey, it's me. Clare. I was calling to tell you that I think I've made my decision." She was talking fast, her voice urgent. "I really wish you'd answered your phone, but oh well. Just…please, call me back. If I don't hear from you by midnight tonight then -"

Suddenly she heard only a dial tone, and she bit back a groan of frustration. The machine had cut off her message. With a shake of her head, Clare began to dial the phone again.

_"It's Fitz. You know what to do."_

"Why is nobody answering their phones?" Clare muttered, annoyance prickling through her.

She left Fitz the same basic message, this time getting everything she needed to say out. She closed her phone when she was done, and then sat down on the closed lid of the toilet seat.

What was she to do?

Eli wanted to run away with her, have it forever be the two of them. Clare wasn't sure if that would put her in the same suffocating situation she'd recently been in, but if it did, there would be no way out.

She really needed to talk to Fitz or K.C. She needed help making this decision. Clare didn't know what she wanted.

And then the answer became perfectly clear. Clare knew exactly who she needed all along. Who had been her perfect match. The one who had stuck by her all along.

How could she have been so stupid?

**Author's Note: :O Who did she pick? Well, you will all have to wait and see. One more chapter after this one! Review, please! :) **


	8. Unknown

**Final chapter! I spent a lot of time planning this one and writing it out, so I really hope you guys like it and approve of who Clare picks in the end. Enjoy! ;)**

8. Unknown

K.C. felt groggy as he flipped over in bed, burying his face in his pillow. The traces of a hangover lingered in the massive headache he had, one of his eyes bruised and black, and he groaned as his stomach lurched in sickness. Maybe going to that party last night with Drew had been a bad idea.

K.C. was completely drained of energy, what with the fight he had gotten into - no, more like started - before heading to the party.

But he just couldn't help himself. Seeing Eli outside of the convenience store by his apartment had made him boil over in anger, and before he knew it he was throwing punches.

Eli hadn't reacted at first, too surprised by the sudden attack. But soon Eli was fighting back, and K.C. was astounded by the ferociousness of the smaller boy's attacks.

A man had shouted that he was going to call the cops on them about ten minutes later, and then Eli was out of K.C.'s grasp and running down the street. K.C. followed Eli's example and did the same.

Clare was not going to be happy with him when she found out about this.

K.C. reached for his phone that was lying on his side table, flipping it open and frowning at the missed call.

From Clare.

_Oh God._

His stomach lurched again in anxiety this time instead of drunkenness as he called his voicemail. K.C. pressed the phone tightly to his ear, listening closely to her message.

"…_If I don't hear from you by midnight tonight then -"_

"Then what?" K.C. asked out loud. "Then what?" No voice answered him, of course. He quickly dialed Clare's number, mumbling for her to pick up as he listened to the ringing.

"_Hi, it's Clare! Leave me your name and number, and I'll call you back as soon as I can. Thank you!" _

Irrationally worried, K.C. redialed her number and called again. Again, he got her voicemail.

"Clare, please answer your phone!" K.C. called her a third time, again getting her voicemail.

He needed to know who she'd chosen, but she wasn't answering her phone. K.C. had a sickening feeling, wondering what she had been planning to do if he didn't call her back.

And he hadn't.

K.C. tried calling Clare one last time before he officially freaked out.

He reached her voicemail.

K.C. scrambled out of bed and pulled on his sneakers in a rush, not bothering to change out of the clothes he had worn the day before that he fell asleep in. He tucked his phone in his pocket, called a goodbye to his mother, and ran out of the apartment.

* * *

Fitz looked around the room in confusion. This wasn't his bedroom. Where was he?

A second glance told him that he was at The Dot, and he stood up, his back stiff. He stretched and reached into his pocket for his phone. Frowning when he realized he didn't have it, he left the empty coffee shop and walked out into the early light.

It had to be about eight o'clock in the morning, and the streets of Toronto were practically empty. It was a Saturday morning, and people were probably sleeping in.

_Not me, _Fitz thought to himself with a grimace. He could barely get to sleep at all most nights, much less in his own home.

He walked slowly to his house, dreading going back there, almost afraid of Steve. No, not afraid. Fitz wasn't scared of anything.

Fitz quietly snuck into the house, entering into dead silence. He made his way over to the bedroom he and Steve shared, holding his breath and trying not to make a noise. He tiptoed into the room where Steve was sleeping, pipe dangling in his hands.

Fitz looked around the room until he spotted his phone peeking out from under his bed sheets. He grabbed for it slowly, trying not to make any noise when he ruffled the sheets. He then tucked it into his pocket and ran a hand through his bristled hair.

Fitz turned around to look at his stepbrother, who was now snoring loudly. He felt sickened as he saw the deep purple color of his brother's eyelids and the under of his eyes. Steve was incredibly ill, and he wouldn't get help.

After another minute of watching his brother sleep, Fitz departed from the house. As soon as he was out of his house, he took his phone back out. Fitz felt his heart skip a beat when he saw he had a message from Clare. He brought the phone to his ear, his heart accelerating as the message continued.

"No, Clare, no…" Fitz whispered. He began to call her, starting to walk in the direction of her house.

"_Hi, it's Clare! Leave me your name and number, and I'll call you back as soon as I can. Thank you!" _

"Dammit," he hissed, redialing.

Voicemail again.

"Pick up your phone, Clare!" he growled. Fitz called her three more times, each time getting her voicemail.

Worry gripping him like a vice, he headed into a full-on sprint to Clare's house. Fitz was panting by the time he reached the house, and his stomach churned when he saw a police car parked outside.

Just as he was about to walk up the front steps to knock on the door, a figure collided into him from behind.

"Watch it!" Fitz shouted.

"You!" the boy snapped.

Fitz turned around to glare at the boy, who he recognized as K.C. Guthrie, the guy he had partied with one night.

"Fitz?" K.C. asked, blinking in confusion. "What are you doing here?"

"I…Clare," Fitz answered with a sigh.

K.C.'s expression became more confused. "What…?"

"Don't worry about that now," Fitz said hastily. "I think we're both here for the same reason."

K.C. nodded, and together they walked up to her door, both knocking loudly on it.

"Clare?" a voice, full of hope, called, and the door swung open. Helen's face fell when she saw the two teenage boys. "Oh," she said flatly."

K.C.'s throat felt tight as he asked, "Is Clare home?"

Helen's face scrunched up at the mention of her daughter's name, and she turned around so that they wouldn't see her cry. Nobody needed to see her like that. "No, she's not."

"Do you mind if we ask where she is?" Fitz asked boldly.

Helen was silent for a few moments, and then she choked out, "I don't…know," before bursting into silent tears.

Fitz and K.C. shared a look as Helen retreated to her living room, where two police officers were patiently waiting for her.

"She wouldn't just leave without explanation," K.C. muttered. "She wouldn't leave me hanging."

Fitz looked at him in surprise, for that had been exactly what he was thinking. "Should we maybe check for any…clues she might have left?"

K.C. nodded.

Waiting a few minutes for Helen to forget their presence, K.C. and Fitz then ran up the stairs, searching for Clare's bedroom. When they found it, they threw open the door and glanced frantically around.

Her bed sheets weren't made; in fact, they were ruffled and strewn all over the place, the pillows lying at odd angles.

K.C.'s heart sunk. "She wasn't just sleeping in that bed," he murmured, and Fitz looked at him in confusion as K.C. made his way around the room. "I know what a bed messed up from sex looks like."

Fitz shook his head. "No, she couldn't have…there was nobody she would have…"

"Wanna bet?" K.C. mumbled, voice strangled, when he reached Clare's desk. Lying on it was a bible with a white cover, the stuffed animal K.C. had won her on one of their dates, and her purity ring, which lay on top of the bible.

"But…who would she have…?" Fitz asked aloud, picking up the ring, though he knew in his heart what the answer was.

K.C. took the ring from him, looking it over before throwing it to the ground, face contorted in anger. "No!" he shouted. "He won! He fucking won!"

Fitz picked up the bible, opening it delicately and flipping through the pages. Suddenly, a couple of the pages flipped over to reveal a piece of paper folded in half in the middle of the book. Frowning, Fitz took out the note and opened it.

_Dear K.C. and/or Fitz,_

_If you're reading this right now, I'll assume you got my message too late._

_I have been xo confused with everything in my life the past month and been questioning everything around me. I lost control of everything as well - my family, my relationships, and such. _

_I've been an emotional wreck for the past week or so. I had screwed up everything in my life, and all I wanted was a break. I thought I could find it in you(K.C.), and even though I was going against everything I had believed in, I cheated on Eli with you. _

_Yes, I'll admit it. I. Cheated._

_I felt only a little guilty when I had to confront Eli the next day, after I agreed to have the affair, but I realized that in order to make myself happy, I would just have to avoid him. So I did._

_I figured things would settle down a bit, now that I had cast aside the person that had turned my life upside down and taken on a non-serious relationship with somebody I already knew quite well. I could be happy now._

_But I was wrong, in a sense. You(Fitz) made me see that it wasn't about my happiness, but the happiness of others, and the only compromise I could think of was to date you(Fitz) and K.C. at the same time, and 'take a break' from Eli, though the break was never officially confirmed._

_Then you both asked me to choose between yourself and Eli, and the stress was unbearable. I didn't want to be the one responsible for breaking hearts, but I should have realized I would have to considering I was dating three people at the same time. Not to mention if I answered yes to either one of you, that still left another boy hanging, another heart to be broken._

_While I was thinking about my decision earlier this afternoon(well, yesterday), my parents were arguing. I went downstairs to ask them why they were, and they told me to stay away from Eli. _

_The fact that I automatically told them that I couldn't do that was one of the ways I made my choice._

_My father then…well, he did something that made me extremely unhappy and hurt me emotionally and physically. _

_Another factor in how I made my decision was who I called when I needed to be comforted. _

_Factor number three would be the losing of my purity ring._

_If you haven't pieced it together by now, I'll just have to say it. And I'm sorry for breaking your hearts by telling you this but…_

_I chose Eli._

_Eli was always there for me. He never tried to hurt me, and he was always protecting me. What I perceived as smothering was his way of letting me know that he was always there for me, and that he would always be there to protect me._

_I really wanted to tell you(both of you) my decision in person, but there was no time for that. It had to be over the phone._

_When neither of you answered your phones, I ended up doing the inevitable. Something I didn't think I'd have the guts to do. Something I wouldn't have done if I hadn't had Eli._

_I ran away._

_No, not run away._

_I ran to something._

_I ran to my future, my chance to start over. _

_My chance to start over my life with the one person I would always want and need at my side._

_Please, let my parents know that I won't be coming back, but reassure them that I've got everything I need to sustain myself. _

_I'm so sorry. I do love you both, just…not enough, I suppose._

_Here's to hoping Eli and I can have a successful life together._

_xoxo Clare_

THE END

**Author's Note: Yes, she chose Eli! :DDD Aren't all us Eclare fans so happy now? Well I hope so. I had been planning for an Eclare ending no matter what. xD I wanted to write more, like the reactions from Fitz and K.C. after they read the letter, but I thought it would be more appropriate to just end it where I did. What did you guys think of it? Review, please! :)**


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